justashotaway | (no subject)

Yes. [ That's the answer people expect to hear--she's learned that much, from both observation and other conversations. But it isn't true, and Holden had wanted to hear about her life when they'd met in the dream. She'd talked to him about his. Tentatively, she shakes her head. ] No. I...do you have someone? Where you come from.

[ laura may speak sparsely, sometimes hard to follow, but he's never known her to be aimless with her conversation. so he pauses a beat, and then says, ]

Yes, I do.

If you...saw them do something...

[ A little frown, looking down at her plate. ]

Dreams are not real. But we were ourselves when we were there. If you saw them do something unforgivable...

[ he watches her face as she speaks. then says, carefully, ]

That would depend on what I'm calling unforgivable.

[ tricky territory, even without the thorny question of how much they can allow the dreams to color their perceptions of one another. ]

Controlling someone. Making them...do things.

[ She doesn't want to say blood magic, for several different reasons: the possibility of someone overhearing, the possibility that Holden doesn't know what it is. ]

[ that sounds — horrifying, of course. but it also sounds nothing like the boy she'd described in a swamp camp that doesn't exist, all warm smiles and sweet words. ]

I think I'd need to understand the situation better before I can answer your question. What exactly happened?

...I can't tell you.

[ A glance down at her plate, and at the room as a whole. There's an unsettled feeling in her hands, a desire to speak and--more importantly, perhaps--to hear someone else's observations. ]

Not here. Other people should not know.

[ Their opinions of Matthias shouldn't change because she's unsure what to think of his abilities. ]

I could go for some fresh air.

[ he'd been done anyway, so he gulps down the last dregs of his coffee and moves to stand. there's places around the gallows they can walk and talk without worrying much about being overheard. ]

Let me finish.

[ She wolfs down her lunch with the kind of speed one tends to learn by hardship rather than choice. And then, as if she didn't just cram most of a plate of food into her mouth in the span of a minute, she stands as well. ]

Do you like the battlements?

[ he wouldn't have minded sitting again, maybe nursing another coffee or some bread; but she's done quickly enough, so he lets it be.

at her question, he nods, and moves to lope alongside her to the battlements. since it's laura, he doesn't feel a need to fill the silence; instead, he's ready to wait quietly until she's ready to speak again. ]

We were fighting. On the way to Skyhold.

[ It takes until they're up there, walking along a path she doesn't usually take with Matthias. There's a view of the city here that makes it look prettier than it is; she lingers at one of the gaps between the stonework, her hood up against the wind. ]

He made one of the Tevinters...[ Slowly, she puts her hands around her throat, not actually squeezing. ] With his own hands.

[ he leans elbows against cold stone, his gaze currently on the city view. he looks back to her when she gestures, frowning. ]

I didn't know mages could do that kind of thing.

[ he speaks carefully, nothing coloring his tone. it's a scary fucking thought; but a part of him, the part still sunken in the worst of the dream, cares less than he should, because of who the target was. Not real; and one of them besides. ]

[ Laura nods, grave. ]

Mages can hurt you. Not like other people do.

[ She looks down at her hands but doesn't bring out the claws as demonstration. They both know they're there. It doesn't seem necessary. ]

[ there's a memory that shakes loose; laura, older, telling him about being made to kill people with her claws, being someone's pet wolf.

mages can hurt you.

very quietly, a few pieces seem to align into place. ]

I won't say they were just dreams. We were ourselves. But I will say that we were pushed places we wouldn't normally go. [ exhales, contemplative. ] Some of us did things we wouldn't recognize. But that doesn't have to say anything about the kind of people we are in the real world.

Edited 2021-02-25 15:23 (UTC)

They hurt you, too.

[ In the dream, she means. It had felt so obvious at the time: something to avoid talking about, something to let him recover from. She doesn't press now, for the same reason.

She does, however, fall silent a moment or two. ]

Matthias is not like that. But--

[ But he could be. ]

[ they had. and he'd woken with some of those memories: nightmarish spellwork from isaac, flinching away from marcus. he hasn't exactly sought out either of them, in the waking world, for all his reassurance now.

he's silent instead of speaking to that. instead, ]

So could I. I don't always make the right choices. [ god fucking knows. ] No one does. We all have to make the decision, every day, what kind of person we're going to be. And sometimes there are no right choices. [ god fucking knows. ] He has the potential to be dangerous. So does every mage. So does everyone. Magic isn't the only way to control people, or hurt anyone.

I know. I am dangerous, too.

[ She'd said as much in the dream as well--saying it now reminds her of that. Idly, she rubs the side of her thumb against the stone, just hard enough to hurt a little. ]

He would not do that to me. [ She doesn't think so, at least. Fitcher's warning comes back to her: There is very real danger--more so, if both of you pretend not to see it. ] But if he used blood magic on someone else, I think...I think that would change things.

I think, [ he says gently, ] that's something you need to talk to him about.

[ She makes a face, though it's obscured somewhat by her hood. ]

I dislike talking.

[ The irony isn't lost on her, nor the fact that talking to Matthias isn't like talking to others. ]

You do, too.

[ whatever amusement he feels at her first pronouncement slips somewhat at her next. still, he says first, ]

If you want things to work with Matthias — or anyone — some things have to be talked about. Especially if something's important to you.

[ Yes, but that's hard. Her shoulders slump. ]

Maybe I will talk to him.

[ childe. ]

I think it'll help.

[ since you're asking his advice and all ]

Maybe.

[ but let's talk about you, holden. ]

[ let's NOT

which is to say he's happy to stand in silence, start to consider leaving. maybe is as good as agreement as he's going to get; and he came to listen, offer some help, not browbeat. ]

[ Which is a pleasant surprise--not everyone will match silence with silence. But eventually, she does add: ]

I am not going to ask about you. But I know you are not talking about it.