justashotaway | (no subject)

[ there's a memory that shakes loose; laura, older, telling him about being made to kill people with her claws, being someone's pet wolf.

mages can hurt you.

very quietly, a few pieces seem to align into place. ]

I won't say they were just dreams. We were ourselves. But I will say that we were pushed places we wouldn't normally go. [ exhales, contemplative. ] Some of us did things we wouldn't recognize. But that doesn't have to say anything about the kind of people we are in the real world.

Edited 2021-02-25 15:23 (UTC)

They hurt you, too.

[ In the dream, she means. It had felt so obvious at the time: something to avoid talking about, something to let him recover from. She doesn't press now, for the same reason.

She does, however, fall silent a moment or two. ]

Matthias is not like that. But--

[ But he could be. ]

[ they had. and he'd woken with some of those memories: nightmarish spellwork from isaac, flinching away from marcus. he hasn't exactly sought out either of them, in the waking world, for all his reassurance now.

he's silent instead of speaking to that. instead, ]

So could I. I don't always make the right choices. [ god fucking knows. ] No one does. We all have to make the decision, every day, what kind of person we're going to be. And sometimes there are no right choices. [ god fucking knows. ] He has the potential to be dangerous. So does every mage. So does everyone. Magic isn't the only way to control people, or hurt anyone.

I know. I am dangerous, too.

[ She'd said as much in the dream as well--saying it now reminds her of that. Idly, she rubs the side of her thumb against the stone, just hard enough to hurt a little. ]

He would not do that to me. [ She doesn't think so, at least. Fitcher's warning comes back to her: There is very real danger--more so, if both of you pretend not to see it. ] But if he used blood magic on someone else, I think...I think that would change things.

I think, [ he says gently, ] that's something you need to talk to him about.

[ She makes a face, though it's obscured somewhat by her hood. ]

I dislike talking.

[ The irony isn't lost on her, nor the fact that talking to Matthias isn't like talking to others. ]

You do, too.

[ whatever amusement he feels at her first pronouncement slips somewhat at her next. still, he says first, ]

If you want things to work with Matthias — or anyone — some things have to be talked about. Especially if something's important to you.

[ Yes, but that's hard. Her shoulders slump. ]

Maybe I will talk to him.

[ childe. ]

I think it'll help.

[ since you're asking his advice and all ]

Maybe.

[ but let's talk about you, holden. ]

[ let's NOT

which is to say he's happy to stand in silence, start to consider leaving. maybe is as good as agreement as he's going to get; and he came to listen, offer some help, not browbeat. ]

[ Which is a pleasant surprise--not everyone will match silence with silence. But eventually, she does add: ]

I am not going to ask about you. But I know you are not talking about it.

[ not unkindly, ]

I have people I can talk to.

[ it's even not untrue ]

Who?

[ Prove it. ]

If I was going to make people up, [ he points out, ] I could also make up names.

[ laura please he's a grown ass man he doesn't have to invent imaginary friends ]

Edited 2021-02-28 03:47 (UTC)

I wish to hear about your friends.

I think you already know them.

[ riftwatch is not that big! to start with, ]

I know you know Amos.

I met him. He is very quiet.