"Both," Derrica answers, fanning her own cards fussily. "You'll get the hang of it really fast, I promise."
And it's the kind of mindless game that's ideal for discussion, if Laura seems receptive to talking. Derrica has a lot of things she wants to ask, but she waits a few hands to say anything at all.
"How are you?"
Opening with what she realizes is probably a difficult question for Laura.
Derrica is not wrong. The game moves quickly, and it is not difficult; by the time anyone says anything besides match! again, Laura's successfully foisted at least one pile of cards on Derrica.
Everything grinds to a halt at the question, however, Laura freezing in the process of flipping over the Angel of Temerity. Just for a moment, a strange sort of full-body hiccup--and then she's moving again, her mouth pursed.
"I am fine." This is what is said when one wishes to move away from the question, especially when followed up with, "How are you?"
She flips over a card, then an other. No matches. Laura's gone tense across from her, a sign that Derrica's approach this wrong.
"You know, sometimes I'm surprised I'm still here. I didn't know if this was going to work out when I decided to come."
Surely she isn't the only one who was skeptical, but she might be one of the few who has such a particular set of circumstances. The danger of her joining Riftwatch is still very present in Derrica's mind, more so now after seeing Laura in such peril.
Derrica has been a part of Riftwatch the entire time Laura has--it had not occurred to her before now that there would be doubt in the other woman's mind about her long-term prospects. (It has not occurred to her that others might be in similar straits as she, generally. But Athessa and Matthias had made a vital point when they'd defended her presence: there are criminals among their ranks. Perhaps Derrica is also one.)
She does not draw another card for the moment, her hands folding neatly around the deck.
"Because the Chantry was not happy with my Circle."
Derrica says this very slowly, careful to keep her tone measured. She will not fall apart speaking of this.
"I was afraid for a long time to be on land, in one place, for more than a few weeks at a time."
And she's been with Riftwatch for months. There is still a pack neatly stowed under her bed, just in case, but she has stopped checking it each night, fretfully.
This is not an answer she expects. She frowns, considering it--and thinking of a conversation many weeks old, Derrica attempting to explain Circles to her. She had said little about the one she came from, had instead asked about Nevarra. Laura had not thought about it, the way the conversation had shifted so--she had been overwhelmed by the volley of responses she'd received--but she does now.
"The Chantry was unhappy with everyone's Circle," she offers, with all the same confidence she'd discuss the price of boar's meat in Val Royeaux. These are places she has never been, full of arguments she'd never known about before coming to Kirkwall. But this is the sense she has gotten from what others have said. There is a pause, and then--tentatively--she adds, "But unhappier with yours?"
Derrica quietly shuffles the cards in her hands, then taps the two stacks in front of her. It's a match, but Derrica takes the cards into her own pile.
"I distracted you," She says, before continuing, "My point...my point is that maybe there are people looking for me too. But I believe the people here will protect us both."
There is a great deal more doubt involved then Derrica is letting on. But she's here to reassure Laura, not burden her with fears Derrica's been carrying for five years now.
Why? she wants to ask, but there is something about the look on Derrica's face that says don't. Laura can't quite name it, the thing that stops her, but she thinks it will only hurt her friend to inquire.
So she doesn't. She watches Derrica shuffle the cards and play the game incorrectly and, without much thought, continues the motions on her end, too. Flip a card, look for a match, flip a card.
"I think they will try," she says quietly, looking at her own handful of cards. "But the objective of Riftwatch is not protecting murderers."
"But it is to protect our members," Derrica contradicts. "And you're part of Riftwatch."
More so than Derrica, maybe. But that's another complicated tangle of a thing that Derrica doesn't want to explain. She collects a little pile of cards, sighs.
"We have to protect each other, or else this organization is worthless."
"We are supposed to watch for rifts. That is the objective." The name tells you exactly what's important. It says everything about keeping the world safe, and nothing about anyone else.
Of course, she came to Riftwatch with the idea that it would hide her--but she's since seen how much smaller it is than what she'd imagined when she'd first heard the word inquisition. It is an organization with power, but not the all-sheltering safety she'd once envisioned. People here are hurt, the same way they are anywhere else; there are still dungeons and people inside them.
And then she has an idea, one she offers tentatively, staring at the cards in Derrica's hands. It isn't something she wants to hear no in answer to, but--but Derrica might agree. "If they cannot protect us, we should leave. Together."
"Okay," Derrica agrees. It's what she was always intending to do in case of emergency. The little pack she has stowed under her bed has been a stop-gap against having to take to the sea without anything to barter or ease her way onto a ship. The only change now is Laura, who Derrica has been ready to run with since the moment the news about Nevarra had come to light.
"I promise, we'll go together if it comes to that. You don't have to go alone."
Laura shouldn't be alone. Derrica doesn't want that for her ever again.
It does not seem true, if she's honest with herself (and she generally is), that she and Derrica could run away together. She shouldn't have suggested it in the first place, knowing what she does about what happens to people she cares about; in times of trouble, the likelihood that she will survive and someone else will die horribly increases manifold. (Her friend Kiden was an exception, but one that came at a price--she doubts they'll ever see each other again. Which is good, since Kiden should be at home with her family. But--) But the dream of it is something she likes, an idea of leaving behind everything and finding something new with a friend she can trust.
(That is the truest thing she knows about Derrica, after all: she can be trusted.)
"All right." She is terse about it, nodding and then falling silent, but it means everything to hear Derrica agree to the plan. They will leave, and they will be safe--safer--if they cannot be here. And even if it is not true, it can be for one afternoon.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And it's the kind of mindless game that's ideal for discussion, if Laura seems receptive to talking. Derrica has a lot of things she wants to ask, but she waits a few hands to say anything at all.
"How are you?"
Opening with what she realizes is probably a difficult question for Laura.
no subject
Everything grinds to a halt at the question, however, Laura freezing in the process of flipping over the Angel of Temerity. Just for a moment, a strange sort of full-body hiccup--and then she's moving again, her mouth pursed.
"I am fine." This is what is said when one wishes to move away from the question, especially when followed up with, "How are you?"
no subject
She flips over a card, then an other. No matches. Laura's gone tense across from her, a sign that Derrica's approach this wrong.
"You know, sometimes I'm surprised I'm still here. I didn't know if this was going to work out when I decided to come."
Surely she isn't the only one who was skeptical, but she might be one of the few who has such a particular set of circumstances. The danger of her joining Riftwatch is still very present in Derrica's mind, more so now after seeing Laura in such peril.
no subject
Derrica has been a part of Riftwatch the entire time Laura has--it had not occurred to her before now that there would be doubt in the other woman's mind about her long-term prospects. (It has not occurred to her that others might be in similar straits as she, generally. But Athessa and Matthias had made a vital point when they'd defended her presence: there are criminals among their ranks. Perhaps Derrica is also one.)
She does not draw another card for the moment, her hands folding neatly around the deck.
no subject
Derrica says this very slowly, careful to keep her tone measured. She will not fall apart speaking of this.
"I was afraid for a long time to be on land, in one place, for more than a few weeks at a time."
And she's been with Riftwatch for months. There is still a pack neatly stowed under her bed, just in case, but she has stopped checking it each night, fretfully.
no subject
"The Chantry was unhappy with everyone's Circle," she offers, with all the same confidence she'd discuss the price of boar's meat in Val Royeaux. These are places she has never been, full of arguments she'd never known about before coming to Kirkwall. But this is the sense she has gotten from what others have said. There is a pause, and then--tentatively--she adds, "But unhappier with yours?"
no subject
Derrica quietly shuffles the cards in her hands, then taps the two stacks in front of her. It's a match, but Derrica takes the cards into her own pile.
"I distracted you," She says, before continuing, "My point...my point is that maybe there are people looking for me too. But I believe the people here will protect us both."
There is a great deal more doubt involved then Derrica is letting on. But she's here to reassure Laura, not burden her with fears Derrica's been carrying for five years now.
no subject
So she doesn't. She watches Derrica shuffle the cards and play the game incorrectly and, without much thought, continues the motions on her end, too. Flip a card, look for a match, flip a card.
"I think they will try," she says quietly, looking at her own handful of cards. "But the objective of Riftwatch is not protecting murderers."
And at some point, the mission may matter more.
no subject
More so than Derrica, maybe. But that's another complicated tangle of a thing that Derrica doesn't want to explain. She collects a little pile of cards, sighs.
"We have to protect each other, or else this organization is worthless."
no subject
Of course, she came to Riftwatch with the idea that it would hide her--but she's since seen how much smaller it is than what she'd imagined when she'd first heard the word inquisition. It is an organization with power, but not the all-sheltering safety she'd once envisioned. People here are hurt, the same way they are anywhere else; there are still dungeons and people inside them.
And then she has an idea, one she offers tentatively, staring at the cards in Derrica's hands. It isn't something she wants to hear no in answer to, but--but Derrica might agree. "If they cannot protect us, we should leave. Together."
no subject
"I promise, we'll go together if it comes to that. You don't have to go alone."
Laura shouldn't be alone. Derrica doesn't want that for her ever again.
no subject
(That is the truest thing she knows about Derrica, after all: she can be trusted.)
"All right." She is terse about it, nodding and then falling silent, but it means everything to hear Derrica agree to the plan. They will leave, and they will be safe--safer--if they cannot be here. And even if it is not true, it can be for one afternoon.