[As he talks, Laura busies herself with opening the pie box and slicing it into neat wedges with a claw, partially because that is what they agreed to do and partially because she's not sure she can bring herself to look directly at Matthias in that moment. His face is flushed, and her cheeks feel warm, too, and if she thinks about any of it too directly, she is unsure she will be able to remain sitting here. There is too much energy in her limbs, too much temptation to climb up to the tallest point in the Gallows and sit there and hold all of this inside of her.
It is easier to listen to him without looking, and to think Matthias would like to kiss me without feeling like it might be written too clearly in her eyes.]
You were not a coward. [How could it be his fault? Laura picks up a slice of the pie with one hand and offers it to him, still not quite lifting her head.] I made it difficult.
[It doesn't go unnoticed by Laura that they might have had this conversation much earlier, from behind a pair of masks, if not for her.]
[A bit of crust crumbles off as Laura makes one of the cuts to the pie, and Matthias reaches for it, mushes it under his thumb, and lifts it up so he can give it a moment of study. Then he sneaks another look at Laura, with a self-conscious little grin.]
I mean, fair play, you didn't make it easy. I'll accept that. But I could've gone after you as well, or tried harder to find you, or, I dunno. Asked, outright. Instead of... waiting. But I didn't know, right? And it's hard, asking. Well. You know that.
I am glad you didn't. I was not... [ She's taken a slice of the tart, nearly cradling it between the fingers of both hands, talking more to it than Matthias. When Mhavos had found her that night, he had smelled the blood--Matthias would have, too, she thinks, the blood and lyrium all mixed together. ] You are the first person I have wanted to kiss.
[ And if he'd asked, rather than waiting until she had courage enough to do it, she's not sure she would have been able to answer. ]
[His grin comes first this time--and then the flush in his cheeks second, right on time--but Matthias can nearly bear it, this time. This time, he has that little bit of knowledge. There's something great about being the first person someone wanted to kiss. Like it means something. Well, of course it does, that's stupid, but. Like it means-means it.]
Well, that's-- That's great. I didn't know that. I mean, like I said, I thought, y'know, maybe you liked me, but that's not precisely the same as-- Like, wanting to kiss someone, that's more, isn't it. At least I think it is. [SHUT UP MATTHIAS; his grin tints self-conscious, and he grabs for a piece of the tart and scoops it up, so he can jam it in his mouth and shut himself up.
Around the mouthful--] Sorry. Hey, this is good. Your friend has good taste.
[She hadn't expected that saying as much would distract Matthias so thoroughly--but she won't complain about the fact that it does. (In truth, she'd expected questions. What does that mean, have you kissed people you didn't want to kiss, things like that. Only now, when he seems blessedly unperturbed about the idea that she's never wanted to kiss people before, does she realize he doesn't see the things she sees in herself.) The fact that he smiles at her like somebody handed him a sack of gold coins makes it easy to accept, his assumption that this is a compliment and not a fact.
And it is, she realizes, a compliment. No one else has been worthwhile--only Matthias. While she doesn't quite smile back, in that moment, she does look at him with an affection that (by her standards) isn't hidden at all.]
He does. [Emboldened by that, and by the desire to get across all of Mhavos' finer qualities, she adds:] If you ever have questions, he can answer them.
Dunno if he'd want you promising that. I have loads of questions. I always do. Like...
[He squints down at the half piece of tart still in his hand. Then he grins, somewhat sheepishly, and sneaks a look up at Laura.]
Like right now I want to ask you what he's an expert on, right. And that would lead to more questions, and more questions, and all, but then I would keep talking and I wouldn't finish this piece of tart, which is really good--but more to the point is then I'd get distracted and not get the chance to kiss you again. And that's what I really want. So. I have to be careful, right?
[There's a little pink in his cheeks again, a renewed blush that comes from admitting this. Very bold. Very true. He takes another bite to shut himself up again.]
I have a lot of questions, too. And he still answers them.
[Perhaps, comparatively, it doesn't sound like many to Matthias, but it feels like she could keep asking Mhavos questions for days without running out. That Mhavos continues to answer them with absolute patience and care speaks volumes to his worth.
She is prepared to offer examples of the things Mhavos is an expert on, since Matthias has (sort of) inquired, but then he continues to talk. Sometimes, that means there is no room to reply to him; in this case, it means she does not want to answer the question anymore. It will lead to other questions, and more conversation, and while she is happy to listen to Matthias--]
I would rather kiss you, too.
[Her piece of the tart is half-eaten, sticky in her mouth and crumbly against her fingers, and she is tempted to set it back in its box and come back to it later. Instead, she takes another bite, chewing and swallowing deliberately, and adds:]
We will have to be silent.
[It's said quite seriously, but it's meant...well, sort of like a joke. She's working on jokes.]
[--Try to be silent, that is. Matthias is fairly sure that she's messing about. He understands dry humor. He shoves the rest of his tart into his mouth, gives it a quick chew-up, and casts a look down at his fingers. Crumby, a bit sticky. But so will hers be, so he holds his hand out to hers--]
I won't start talking in the middle, at least. I can promise you that one. So...
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It is easier to listen to him without looking, and to think Matthias would like to kiss me without feeling like it might be written too clearly in her eyes.]
You were not a coward. [How could it be his fault? Laura picks up a slice of the pie with one hand and offers it to him, still not quite lifting her head.] I made it difficult.
[It doesn't go unnoticed by Laura that they might have had this conversation much earlier, from behind a pair of masks, if not for her.]
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[A bit of crust crumbles off as Laura makes one of the cuts to the pie, and Matthias reaches for it, mushes it under his thumb, and lifts it up so he can give it a moment of study. Then he sneaks another look at Laura, with a self-conscious little grin.]
I mean, fair play, you didn't make it easy. I'll accept that. But I could've gone after you as well, or tried harder to find you, or, I dunno. Asked, outright. Instead of... waiting. But I didn't know, right? And it's hard, asking. Well. You know that.
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[ And if he'd asked, rather than waiting until she had courage enough to do it, she's not sure she would have been able to answer. ]
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[His grin comes first this time--and then the flush in his cheeks second, right on time--but Matthias can nearly bear it, this time. This time, he has that little bit of knowledge. There's something great about being the first person someone wanted to kiss. Like it means something. Well, of course it does, that's stupid, but. Like it means-means it.]
Well, that's-- That's great. I didn't know that. I mean, like I said, I thought, y'know, maybe you liked me, but that's not precisely the same as-- Like, wanting to kiss someone, that's more, isn't it. At least I think it is. [SHUT UP MATTHIAS; his grin tints self-conscious, and he grabs for a piece of the tart and scoops it up, so he can jam it in his mouth and shut himself up.
Around the mouthful--] Sorry. Hey, this is good. Your friend has good taste.
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[She hadn't expected that saying as much would distract Matthias so thoroughly--but she won't complain about the fact that it does. (In truth, she'd expected questions. What does that mean, have you kissed people you didn't want to kiss, things like that. Only now, when he seems blessedly unperturbed about the idea that she's never wanted to kiss people before, does she realize he doesn't see the things she sees in herself.) The fact that he smiles at her like somebody handed him a sack of gold coins makes it easy to accept, his assumption that this is a compliment and not a fact.
And it is, she realizes, a compliment. No one else has been worthwhile--only Matthias. While she doesn't quite smile back, in that moment, she does look at him with an affection that (by her standards) isn't hidden at all.]
He does. [Emboldened by that, and by the desire to get across all of Mhavos' finer qualities, she adds:] If you ever have questions, he can answer them.
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Dunno if he'd want you promising that. I have loads of questions. I always do. Like...
[He squints down at the half piece of tart still in his hand. Then he grins, somewhat sheepishly, and sneaks a look up at Laura.]
Like right now I want to ask you what he's an expert on, right. And that would lead to more questions, and more questions, and all, but then I would keep talking and I wouldn't finish this piece of tart, which is really good--but more to the point is then I'd get distracted and not get the chance to kiss you again. And that's what I really want. So. I have to be careful, right?
[There's a little pink in his cheeks again, a renewed blush that comes from admitting this. Very bold. Very true. He takes another bite to shut himself up again.]
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[Perhaps, comparatively, it doesn't sound like many to Matthias, but it feels like she could keep asking Mhavos questions for days without running out. That Mhavos continues to answer them with absolute patience and care speaks volumes to his worth.
She is prepared to offer examples of the things Mhavos is an expert on, since Matthias has (sort of) inquired, but then he continues to talk. Sometimes, that means there is no room to reply to him; in this case, it means she does not want to answer the question anymore. It will lead to other questions, and more conversation, and while she is happy to listen to Matthias--]
I would rather kiss you, too.
[Her piece of the tart is half-eaten, sticky in her mouth and crumbly against her fingers, and she is tempted to set it back in its box and come back to it later. Instead, she takes another bite, chewing and swallowing deliberately, and adds:]
We will have to be silent.
[It's said quite seriously, but it's meant...well, sort of like a joke. She's working on jokes.]
no subject
[--Try to be silent, that is. Matthias is fairly sure that she's messing about. He understands dry humor. He shoves the rest of his tart into his mouth, gives it a quick chew-up, and casts a look down at his fingers. Crumby, a bit sticky. But so will hers be, so he holds his hand out to hers--]
I won't start talking in the middle, at least. I can promise you that one. So...